Can I get some advice here?

So my 8 year old is telling me how one of his football buddies has been snubbing him lately. I ask him why and he said, "I don't know, it might have been because I yelled at him for smashing into me at the Christmas party. I was getting beat by a girl and he was getting in my way so I kinda yelled at him."

This was a neighborhood party and the kids were all playing some basketball shooting game in the basement. I asked him who was beating him and he said Paige. I said, well at least she is cute right? He said yeah but her sister looks just like her and she is my age. I figure ok, he kinda likes this girl. "So you kinda like Hannah?" "Well, kinda, but I like Kaylee more, it's just that...". "It's just what?"

You have to understand, my son has come out with some doozies over his short lifetime so I really didn't know what to expect. My buddy has been telling me I have to keep a journal of his material so I guess this is really my first, although I will try to recall more later.

Anyway, he hesitates but I press him. "It's just what?" "Well, she doesn't even have enough money for school lunch", he says kinda sheepishly. Phew right? I have an opportunity to teach a nice lesson, blah blah blah.

"Well, that's ok, who cares about that, as long as you like her and she gets to eat right?"

"Well, yeah, she gets to eat but, "she'll take my money, when I'm in need, yea she's a trifflin, friend in deed"" he says with a big grin on his face. For those of you who don't know, those are lyrics to a Kanye West song playing right now called Gold Digger. He set me up (i think?).

WTF is my 8 year old thinking about that for? How does he even connect the dots? What the hell am I doing wrong? Wow, I suck at being a parent.